Movie Review: Pompeii

Pompeii (2014)

A slave-turned-gladiator finds himself in a race against time to save his true love, who has been betrothed to a corrupt Roman Senator. As Mount Vesuvius erupts, he must fight to save his beloved as Pompeii crumbles around him.  Short synopsis of Pompeii taken from IMDb.com

In 3......   D........!  At least that was how my wife and I viewed Pompeii when we went out for a rare date night.  It was my birthday, and I wanted to spend some time with her, as we see each other a grand total of about fifteen minutes a day on an average day.  The joys of a busy life!

Anyway, back to the film.  When I saw the trailer for Pompeii while attending The Monuments Men with my mother (say that three times fast), I thought: "hmmm, that could be interesting."  So as I relaxed in my comfy theater seat during the opening credits of Pompeii, I was hopeful.  Then I saw Paul W.S. Anderson's name flash across the screen.  "Oh boy," I muttered.  My wife noted my reaction and replied, "Is that a good 'oh boy' or a bad 'oh boy'?"

Well now that I've seen the film all the way through, I'd say it is definitely a "meh oh boy."  The film was not bad, but neither was it good either.  How shall I put this?  If you come in expecting a layered and nuanced look at the city of Pompeii in the days before the volcano nearly wiped that city from the face of the Earth, you'll leave really disappointed.  If instead, you go in expecting an action-packed swords and sandals romp, you'll be just fine.  The question is, do we NEED this film to be the former, and not the latter?  In my case I'd say no, we don't.

I'd like to actually visit the ruins of Pompeii someday.  But heck, I'd like to do a lot of things that may never happen.  So in the meantime, there is Paul W.S. Anderson's mockumentary of the final days of that city. / Source: lonelyplanet.com

Pompeii was good enough for what it was.  It doesn't try too hard to be anything else.  We have the Briton slave called "The Celt" who is taken from his homeland to the city of Pompeii, where he will be the challenger to the local gladiator champion.  When he arrives, he meets and charms a local dignitary’s daughter.  But wait, there is a wrinkle in the plot!  Said local dignitary’s daughter just got back from the city of Rome, where she was pursued by the lecherous and all-around bad guy / Roman senator Keifer Sutherland (who was shown to have been the man who killed "The Celt's" family when the future gladiator was only a child - and somehow Keifer hasn't aged a DAY since!).

Anyway, the plot doesn't get much thicker from there.  Add in sword fighting, thin intrigue, earth quakes, betrayals we saw coming a mile away, and some volcanic eruption special effects even the blindest of movie-goers could have seen coming, and there's your movie.  Is it bad?  Not too much.  But it won't score any Oscar nominations, nor be a regular rotation in most people's DVD collection when it comes out in that format, I'd wager. 

Not to spoil the movies end, but... well, if these two star-crossed lovers had actually made it away from a pyroclastic cloud on horseback, I'd have totally thrown up my hands at the film.

My wife said she liked the love story, and she jumped in her seat for all the pertinent spots in the action (a hair-raising chase by our slave/hero on horseback after the fleeing Sutherland and his kidnapped would-be bride, the collapsing of part of a cliff which takes that would-be bride's handmaiden to her death, the tsunami that destroys almost all those who have been trying to flee the volcano's wrath via the harbor... and so on).  And my wife certainly liked it better than what I had planned to choose to see, based on the mainstream movies out right now.  I told her I'd have picked the new Robocop picture to see, if I'd seen it on the billboard.  Maybe it didn't last long in the local theater because it' worse than Pompeii...  I'll wait for DVD to find that out.

In the end, I'd not have paid full movie ticket prices to see Pompeii if I could choose over again.  Especially not with the rate hike you get for 3........D.........!  Although without the 3D gimmick, this movie probably would have been even less exciting than it was.  Those exploding fireballs shooting from the volcano, and big Roman galleons rushing backward in the tsunami, and sweaty sword fights between gladiators...  they just wouldn't have been as good in regular old 2D.

The parting comment:

Please note, even bleeped, there is some adult language in this clip.  But hey - volcanoes...  Pompeii, Los Angeles...  Both places ripe with sin and stuff.  It could happen!

A two-for-one on video clip parting comments.  Someone else noticed that Pompeii the movie and "Pompeii," the song by Bastille that gets stuck in my head when it comes on the radio at work, matched up somewhat.